Where in the world have I been? Well....that's a really good question. Lately, Ive been mothering a beautiful 2 year old girl who is always laughing and smiling. Her favorite word is "joy" and "Daddy" and she is always saying "Oh wow!" I love her so much and I am just amazed at God's beautiful creation. I'm so very thankful too, for every minute of time her!!!!!!
1 Samuel 1:27
For this child I prayed; and the LORD hath given me my petition which I asked of him:

In addition to all the fun things Ive been doing, the usual heaviness is in my heart. Christmas was different without Grant's excitement. I think about all the things he would have wanted and how special it was to decorate the tree with him. I bet you enjoy doing those things with your children too. I often get the feeling that others look at me and think that I should be "better" by now. But, let me tell you a little secret. Losing a child is like losing a limb. No matter how well you do or how normal you look, you will never be the same again. You will be forever altered and will have to learn to live your life differently. I guess perspective is everything. I did not chose to walk this road, but the Lord saw fit to allow me to. Proverbs 3:5 says Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. There are so many things that I do not understand, but God's word says to trust in Him. I am trusting that He is sovereign and that He will help me learn to live again.

I am really enjoying the 50 degree weather in January! I hope it's pretty for Rebekah's second birthday on the 26th. I can't wait to celebrate this big day with her!

Living Sacrifices

I was reading this morning in Romans 12. Paul urged the Romans to offer their bodies as "living sacrifices" as a spiritual act of worship. I have pondered over this and to tell you the truth, I have struggled with it too. Giving myself as a living sacrifice is no small order. I believe that some of the painful things I have endured have led me to a deeper relationship with God. Not only have they helped me grow, but they have also displayed Christ's mighty power to others. I have leaned on Him and at times I have thrown myself into His arms and begged Him to carry my burdens for me. He has always been there for me, even in my darkest days. I offered myself to Him as a living sacrifice about 4 1/2 years ago. My life has never been the same. God has blessed me beyond measure and I am so thankful for His grace. Has it been hard? Yes. I could not have done it without Him. Many days He carried me through. I pray that in all thins that Christ is glorified in my life; the good and the unpleasant!

Paul says in 2 Corinthians 6:4-10
Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and sincere love, in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, yet possessing everything.

What are you dealing with? Is it a bad report, hard work, imprisonment or sleepless nights? We as believers already possess Everything. God is faithful and just. Throw yourself into His arms. They are so strong and they can carry you when you can't carry yourself. I know, because I have been there and am there today. I consider myself blessed because of my humble circumstances.

I want to stroll over Heaven with you.

So, I went to sleep last night praying.  I talked to God and told Him that I would love to see my Grant and to hold him.  Well, this falls into that "Be careful what you pray for" cagegory.  Early this morning I drempt of my sweet boy. He was standing in front of me smiling as cute as he could.  I looked at him and said, "Grant, I don't care how big you are now, I'm going to pick you up and squeeze you when I hug you!" I grabbed him and he jumped into my arms and I hugged him so tight for what seemed like an hour.  I could feel his hair on my face.....he was so big and so strong in my arms....I could feel him smiling with me....

I miss my son.  This is just a reality that I live with every day.  I realize that others miss him in the depths of their soul too and that I am not alone.  He was my only son, my first-born child.  He looked like me.  We were connected in such a special way because God blessed us with each other. Every day without him is filled with memories of things we did together. Every milestone that Rebekah achieves makes me think about the time when he did the same thing.  Life is now bittersweet; nothing quite holds the same amount of joy as it used to.  Grant is not here and part of me has died too.  Today I lit a candle in rememberance of him.  Here is a picture of it lit beside a photo of the two of us when Grant was 5 years old.

Today, I'm looking forward to Heaven a little big more.  I miss my little man.  I can't wait to see him when I finally get there.  He was a beautiful blessing from God and I am thankful for every day I had with him.  I only wish I had more.  Please pray for my peace and for my strength today.

This week got stared off with a 4 legged addition that I wasn't expecting.  She is such a little cutie and someone just apparently dropped her off down the road from us.  She is really thin, but cute and playful and LOVES to be petted or fed.  She comes in the house at night and sleeps in our utility room.  I just think she is so sweet, but she needs a new Forever home.  We already have 2 inside dogs and 1 outside to keep up with.  Here is a picture of this sweet girl.  We are calling her Miss Priss for now, becase she is so dainty and crosses her front paws when she lays down. 

Rebekah had her 1st Birthday party this Saturday and we had a great turnout.  We had chili and Elmo cake.  The cake was beautiful and it tasted great.  Rebekah got lots of new clothes, pajamas and a princess piggie bank, a ball tent, Cheerio's and a little stuffed elephant that holds a blankie (just like Rebekah does).  I have to show you a picture of the cake and the princess pig.  I just love them. Thank you Aunt Holly for the Princess Piggie bank and Papaw Ray for the cake!

I thought I would also share a few other things that have been going on with me lately.  I am reading about 5 books (no joke) and trying to dig deeper into my Bible study this year.  I'm going through a 1 year Bible (suggested by my friend Tammy) and bought for me by my precious Mom.  I just can't tell you how much of a blessing my Mom is to me.  We grow closer and closer every day.  I wish I had been wiser in my teenage years and not been so hateful to her.  Sorry Mom :(

I am reading through the Bible and doing a Genesis Bible study by John MacArthur.  So far, it is amazing and I'm really learning a lot.  I'm reading The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie OMartian and Peace With God, The Secret of Happiness by Billy Graham.  Both of them are excellent books.  I just hope I can get through them all this month.  So many things going on....  My next book is going to be by Pastor Greg Laurie (who's ministry I follow regularly and I learn so much from) and it is called Wrestling with God, prayer that never gives up.  I can't wait to hear what he has to say about effective prayer.  But more than just books and studies, God is really working in my life in so many ways.  I feel His closeness and His power in ways I could never have imagined.  When I stopped by a friends house today, I prayed on the way in that they would offer me a cup of coffee.  I know that sounds crazy, but they always have fresh brewed coffee on and the smell just makes me want to hit the closest Starbucks drive in.  Only there is not one close by.  As soon as I got in the house, her husband said, "Hey Shelli, would you like a cup of coffee?"  Ok, now that was an answered prayer, was it not???  God really cares about the small stuff too.

I've been having lots of gut issues since Rebekah was born and the Lord is really leading me to healing through a diet called the GAPS diet.  I am super excited to get started; I've already jumped in a little and can tell a huge difference in the way I feel.  Thank you Jesus for being the Great Physician.

I am getting tired and ready to check into bed.  I will try to post some more of the exciting stuff God is doing here in a day or two.  (Don't hold me to it; I am very busy following around a 1 year old!)

Happy 1st Birthday Rebekah!

Tomorrow is Rebekah's 1st Birthday.  I am so excited for her, and me, to celebrate this big day.  She has grown so much in the last year and I am so proud of her.   Rebekah is trying to walk and can do it quite well as long as she is holding onto your hand.  She is afraid of the hardwood floors, so she's a little reluctant to let go.  I am thinking the three of us will go have our pictures made together tomorrow for her birthday.  I just can't hardly believe she is already a year old.  Grant would be so excited to help me throw her first Birthday party; I wish he was here too.  :-(

On that note, yesterday was the 6 month anniversary of Grant going to live in Heaven.  I sat in his room yesterday and read my Bible and just couldn't stop thinking about him.  I can still smell him when I go in there.  It's pretty bad when you pick up an old dirty sock and smell it.  I thought about him sitting on the bed playing play-station and watching I-Carly.  I would give anything too see his little face or to hear him laughing.  So many times, when he was at his Dad's he would tell me on the phone, "I love you Mom and I can't wait until I see you tomorrow."  I could not wait to see him either.  Now, the longing is so much greater and I just can't wait to get him hands on him!!  Jesus' return and Heaven can't get here fast enough for me.  I love you too Grant and I miss you.

Last week on Tuesday night/Thursday morning, Mom went into the hospital via ambulance during a pancreatitis / gallbladder attack. It was awful and she said the pain was worse than child birth.  Wow, that is bad and I can't imagine.  I spend most of the day at the hospital Wednesday and Thursday when she finally was well enough to have her gallbladder surgery.  I was so glad that she was feeling well and back home on Thursday night.  I praise God for her healing!

I have a few pictures of my car wreckage to upload and I'll try to get to those tomorrow.  It was amazing that I walked away from that without a scratch.  I also thank God for delivering me from harm on that day.  I know he has a plan for my life and I pray that I will know and recognize it.  Right now, I'm just being a Mommy and taking care of Miss Rebekah, AKA Princess.....

Jehovah-tsebahoth

It's been almost two weeks since I last posted. A lot of things have happened in that time. On January 15th, I was headed to get my hair cut at about 9:00 in the morning. I hit a patch of black ice in a sharp curve and my car did a complete turn around in the middle of Hwy 62. After spinning out of control, it slammed into a ditch and continued until it hit an embankment that flipped it upside down on the road. I was hanging there suspended upside down blocking almost both lanes of traffic. I knew that I was ok, but something kept telling me to get out of the car. I know it was the Lord. I checked to see if my door would open, and it did. I unbelted myself and crawled out. Not more than a minute passed by when a car came speeding around the same corner. I waved and yelled and he saw me just as his car hit the ice. He slid and steered off into the ditch where I was standing and nearly ran me over. I jumped up the hill out of the way. He got back on the road and never stopped. The Lord of Hosts, Jehovah-tsebahoth, was there to protect me. Two times the evil one threatened my life. Two times, the Lord sent His protection over me. Thank you Lord Jesus!

In my devotional, I am learning the the Hebrew names for the Lord God. I think it is so wonderful and so I am trying to use them so I can retain them. My devotional is The One Year Book of Hope, by Nancy Guthrie.

Let it snow!!!!

What a beautiful snowy day!! I love it. We drove out to a farm today where some friends of ours have dairy cows. Rebekah loved seeing the lady cows in the barn. She just kept pointing at them and wanting us to take her closer. One of them tried to sniff her and she just wrinkled up her little nose and pulled back!

The drive was beautiful and it was great to spend the afternoon with my family (even if we were stick in a truck driving there and back). Grant would have loved it and would be begging to go sledding. My heart is heavy missing him today as always. He made a trip to this farm with me in December 2009 while I was pregnant. I thought about that a lot today.

Psalm 147:16 says, He gives snow like wool; he scatters the frost like ashes. The snow looks like a blanket of wool today. Wonder if there is snow in Heaven? I bet there is. Grant, Brianna, Seth, Tiffany, Alan and Kayla are all playing in it together.

My brother may be coming out for a visit tomorrow. I can't wait! He is really going through some rough places in his life and I pray that I can be an encouragement to him. We were so close growing up. I wish we could spend more time together now. He is so funny and always keeps me laughing.

Thank you God for family. Husbands, children, brothers, sisters and parents......